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Planning Your Estate When Your Adult Kids Resent Your New Love

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Although a whole host of underlying experiences and psychological underpinnings influence why your adult child may not be happy with your new spouse, there are some practical guidelines you may want to consider in order to make the new relationship transition smoother. 1) Put at rest your children’s anxieties about losing an inheritance. Having an upfront and honest discussion, in the beginning, is key. Furthermore, back up your assurances legally by signing a marital agreement before or after marriage which can ensure your estate goes to your children the way you have planned it. Absent such an agreement, the new spouse has the legal right to rifle through your best laid intentions in court. 2) Explain to your adult children that in the end we are all “adulting” here and, as adults, can make our own relationship decisions. 3) Many psychologists also say do not expect your adult children to like your new spouse as much as you do. Relationships take time. Have patience with your children’s feelings and take it slow with establishing more in-depth relationships with stepchildren. 4) Many experts further advise to be sensitive with your schedule regarding spending time between your new love and your adult kids, recognizing that you may not always win in the other’s eyes. 5) If your adult child treats your new spouse wrongly, marriage counselors generally recommend that it is you, not your new spouse, who needs to address it.

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